busy is a bandage, not a badge

march 11th, 2019

You know what they say, “The busier you are, the more important you are,” right? At least, that’s what our culture would have us believe. We rush around from one task to the next, perpetually busy, as if the world will stop spinning if we’re not constantly moving. We’ve all been there: the mile-long to-do lists, the overwhelming sense of urgency to check everything off, and that nagging feeling that we’re just not doing enough. But what is it that we’re really running from?

Sometimes, it feels like busy has become a badge of honor. It's almost like we compete with each other to see who can be the busiest, the most tired, the most “deserving” of a break. We start to equate being busy with being important, being worthy, and even being valuable. It’s like we don’t feel deserving of rest or self-care unless we’ve run ourselves ragged or burned out. And let’s be honest, that’s a dangerous place to be.

The truth is, there are two big problems with “busy” that I want to dive into today: avoidance and destination addiction. And believe it or not, they both stem from the same root: our insecurities about our own worth and value.

The Bandage of Busy

One of the fascinating things about the human mind is how well it tries to protect us. It helps us feel safe, and sometimes, it creates habits or patterns to do just that—even if they’re not all that helpful. One of those patterns? Staying busy.

Think about it: when we’re busy, it’s easy to avoid the things that make us uncomfortable. We can keep ourselves occupied so we don’t have to deal with the difficult stuff—the things that are painful, scary, or even just emotionally draining. Busy becomes our shield, our distraction, our way of avoiding what we don’t want to face.

But here’s the thing: what if busy isn’t a badge of honor? What if it’s more like a bandage covering up a deeper wound? A wound we’re too scared to address. When we finally stop being busy, we’re essentially ripping off the bandage, leaving that vulnerable wound exposed to the air. It might be sadness, loneliness, shame, guilt, or just a feeling of being unfulfilled—things that are hard to sit with, so we keep distracting ourselves with more “stuff.”

I’ll be honest, I’ve done it too. I’ve kept myself so busy with work, side projects, and tasks that I didn’t have to sit with the uncomfortable feelings bubbling underneath. The truth? Those feelings didn’t just go away. They festered, and eventually, they had to be dealt with. When we avoid the uncomfortable, we only end up prolonging the inevitable healing process.

And here’s a question I ask myself whenever I find myself busy for the sake of being busy: “What am I avoiding?”

My former coach and mentor Alyssa Nobriga said something once that really stuck with me, she said: “What do you know that you don’t want to know?” It’s such a simple yet powerful question, isn’t it? It’s a reminder that we know when we’re avoiding something. We just don’t always want to face it.

But guess what? We can’t stay busy forever. Eventually, burnout catches up with us. A wise woman once said, “If you don’t take time for your wellness, you’ll be forced to take time for your illness.” And she was right. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is crucial, and sometimes that means facing the stuff we’ve been pushing aside. The beauty of doing so? Not only do we heal, but we gain wisdom and insight in the process.

Just like when we were kids and thought a bandage could magically heal us, we sometimes think staying busy will fix things. But the reality is, a bandage can only protect the wound for so long. Eventually, we need to let it breathe to fully heal. That’s the part we often resist the most—the vulnerability that comes with slowing down. But when we do, we hear that quiet call to address what needs our attention. It might be scary, but once we face it, we can heal.

The Never-Ending Race: Destination Addiction

Now, let’s talk about destination addiction. This is when we find ourselves on a hamster wheel, endlessly chasing the next accomplishment. We think, I’ll be happy when… [insert the next goal]. Maybe it’s a new job, a promotion, a relationship, or even the perfect house. We tell ourselves that once we hit that next milestone, then we’ll finally feel worthy, loved, or enough.

But here’s the problem: when we finally reach that “thing,” it doesn’t feel like we thought it would. So, we set our sights on the next destination, thinking it’ll be the one that finally gives us what we’re craving. This cycle continues, and before we know it, we’re trapped in an endless pursuit of things, never quite feeling fulfilled.

This type of busy is a form of avoidance too. Instead of facing the deeper needs we have—like love, belonging, or acceptance—we look for external things to fill that void. And the funny thing is, we often think that our worth is tied to what we achieve or what we do for others. If we just do enough, maybe we’ll finally feel like we matter.

But the truth is, our worth isn’t something that can be earned or proved through external accomplishments. It’s already inside of us. We don’t need a title, a degree, or a perfect life to validate our existence. We need to recognize our own value and stop seeking it from outside sources.

The more we chase these external validations, the more we miss out on what’s truly important: connecting with ourselves, understanding our true desires, and embracing who we are—right now, in this moment. Until we recognize our own inherent worth, we’ll always feel like we’re chasing something we can never quite catch.

So, What Can We Do About It?

We have the power to break the cycle. We don’t have to be busy all the time. We don’t have to keep seeking external validation to feel worthy. We can take a step back and ask ourselves: What am I really chasing? What do I need to address? What am I avoiding?

Slowing down isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable at first. But it’s the only way we can begin to heal, learn, and grow. So, if you find yourself stuck in the cycle of busyness or chasing the next destination, take a moment. Check in with yourself. See if you’re avoiding something that needs your attention. And give yourself the space to sit with it. Because the only way out of the cycle is through it.

It’s time to stop using “busy” as a distraction, and instead, start facing the things that are calling for our attention. Because when we do, we can finally experience true peace—and discover that everything we’ve been searching for was already inside of us. ✨